Here's a little background for ya... I didn't have any weight problems until I was in my early twenties. And even then, it was just 10 or 20 extra pounds like the normal American. Over the last four years however, I have gained 40+ pounds. Weight has always been an "issue" though. My mom was always heavy and struggled with her food addictions while my dad became a dictator in our kitchen. He served small portions, denied us sugar and sweets and all the yummy kids treats because he didn't want us to be "fat like your mother". What did this do for me? Well, let's see, for a rebellious kid like me, it just made me want to eat tons of bad stuff so that when I wasn't under his watchful eye and ate bad foods, I felt empowered, like I was getting away with something. Great way to gain a complex, eh? You can imagine how I ate when I first moved away from home! It was not pretty! His attitude and methods also taught me that to be fat was the scariest, most horrible thing that could happen to you. Not that this is a good thing, but by becoming fat, I feel that I have proved that is not the case. At least to myself; and hopefully to him. I am still a person of value and I still have friends and happy life. It's just not as full as I want it to be... but not because of everyone else and how they view me, but because of me and my poor health and how it holds me back.
So here I am at 31; heavier than I have ever been in my life. But it took me a long time to realize that I was getting fat. Because I'd always been a relatively normal size and fairly attractive, I have a good amount of self confidence so an extra 10, 20, 30 lbs didn't stop me from standing in front of a mirror and saying "damn, I look gooood!". It's true what they say though; a picture really is worth a 1000 words because every picture that I see of myself shocks me right to the core.
That's just a little background info about my mental (and literal) extra baggage. And it's time to work through all the emotional aspects and shush my inner rebel and work toward getting healthy.
My first goal is to lose enough weight that I feel energized enough to make it to the gym three days a week for cardio and weight training. Right now, between my poor sleep (caused by this fat girl's astounding snores and minor sleep apnea) and my general lack of health; making 1 trip to the gym during the week usually wears me out for days after. I want to use this "diet" as a jump start to getting enough energy to work at being healthy.
The plan starts with what the doctor calls a "full fast". This means that I get 5 shakes a day that equal 500 calories in total. I also have to drink 4 quarts of water each day; lucky for me that only 2 quarts of it have to be actual water- the rest can be diet coke, crystal light etc. Anything without sugar or calories basically. After the first four days, I can start substituting up to two of my shakes each day for "food". I use the term food liberally here as they are prepackaged, miniature packages of oatmeal, chili, chocolate bars and "fruit drink" (wtf?? on that one!). Yes, I am scoffing at these choices now but I guarantee you, by day 2, I'll be trading my future first born for that "fruit drink"!
The "full fast" starts on Sunday. I'll be a royal bitch until probably about Thursday, when I can start using my mandible again. I could use moral support and understanding but if you want to run like hell, I'll totally understand! I go back to the doctor on Thursday morning of next week to check my progress and get more scrumptious fake foods.
I'll post again on Sunday - when the real fun starts! Until then, I have a lot of Bojangles to eat and Vodka/Tonics to drink....
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